41 Things I've Learnt at 41
Next week I turn 41. And honestly? I think I could write 1,000 lessons, many of them learned the hard way. But I’ve tried to condense a lifetime of trial, error, and the occasional disaster into 41.
Before I do, something’s been on my mind.
My son is 5. The 5-year-old version of him is completely different to the 4-year-old version. And I’m certain the 6 year old will be different again, new words, new ideas, new ways of seeing the world. He’s changing constantly, and it’s something to watch.
So here’s the question that keeps nagging at me: at what age does that stop? At what point do we just accept living the same year over and over again, the same person, the same opinions, the same habits, and call it a life?
The truth is we should be like our children. Growing, developing, changing every single year with the lessons we pick up along the way. The moment we stop doing that, we don’t just stand still. We go backwards.
The goal isn’t to have it all figured out. It’s to be a slightly wiser, slightly better version of yourself than you were twelve months ago. Every year. For the rest of your life.
So here it is. 41 things I know now that I wish I’d known sooner. Some cost me. Some I’m still working on. All of them are real.
Stop trying to convince people how to live.
Success is personal. What works for you won’t work for everyone, and that’s fine. Save your energy.
Buy experiences, not things.
Material stuff makes you happy in the moment, then fades. Experiences do the opposite, the memories only get more valuable as the years go by.
Don’t chase money. Become someone of value.
Walk into every situation asking what you can give, not what you can get. The money follows.
No one is coming to achieve your goals.
The only way to get where you want to go is to help other people achieve their goals along the way. Make it worth their while.
Learn to be good on your own.
People come and go. If your happiness depends on any one person, you’re building on sand.
Attachment ruins decisions.
Clinging to outcomes, relationships and the way things are is the root of bad choices and long-term misery.
The road to hell feels like heaven. The road to heaven feels like hell.
Building a good life is uncomfortable. Comfort, done wrong, is just a slow decline dressed up nicely.
Consistency beats intensity every time.
Showing up every day beats going all-in for a week and burning out. Every. Single. Time.
Fitness is rarely about fitness.
When someone obsesses over the gym, it’s almost never really about the gym.
A strong body is good. A strong mind is essential.
One without the other only gets you so far.
Get comfortable with stress.
Your capacity to handle pressure determines how far you go. Avoid stress and you stay small. Expose yourself to it and you grow.
Life is too short. Full stop.
Not as a cliche. As a fact. The clock is ticking right now. Live like it is.
You can choose who you become.
You’re allowed to decide what kind of person you want to be and work towards that every single day. Most people don’t realise this. It’s the greatest freedom there is.
Self-love is earned, not declared.
You can only genuinely love yourself when you’re someone you’re proud of. Build that person first.
Selfishness has its place.
You can’t feed anyone else with an empty plate. Take care of yourself properly so you can show up for others.
Affirmations don’t work on their own.
You have to actually believe you deserve it. And belief only comes from evidence. And evidence only comes from results over time. Do the work first.
Societal norms are mostly made up.
You really can live however you choose. It just takes time and the courage to be looked at sideways for a while.
Reality is not fixed.
Your reality is shaped entirely by your experiences, your environment, and the people around you. Change those, and your whole world changes.
Doing things differently will get you misunderstood.
That’s just the price. Pay it.
Ego unchecked will destroy you.
I’ve seen it happen. It’s not pretty. Keep yours in check.
AI will change everything, more than the internet and phones combined.
I genuinely believe this. Act accordingly.
Create more than you consume.
Whatever your thing is, write it, build it, make it. The world has enough scrollers.
Never compromise your principles.
No matter how good the deal sounds. If it costs you your values, it’s too expensive.
Love people, use things.
Not the other way around. Simple. Rarely practised.
You don’t make money, you collect it.
Leave the printing to the central banks. Your job is to create enough value that money flows your way.
Don’t chase, attract.
Chase an animal and it runs. Offer it food and it comes to you. The same is true for success, clients, and opportunities.
Be present for your children while they’re young. Over everything else.
Childhood is short. Really short. It is the most magical time of a parent’s life and it will be gone before you’re ready. Don’t miss it chasing pieces of paper.
Choose your partner carefully.
A good one is your greatest asset. A bad one is your greatest liability. If she’s crazy, stay away. Non-negotiable.
You can’t fix people who don’t want fixing.
This one will save you years of wasted energy if you learn it early.
Never lose sleep over a problem.
You are always better at fixing it after rest. Always. Tired problem-solving is amateur problem-solving.
Travel often.
The world is an amazing place. Go see it.
You attract what you focus on.
Think negative long enough and you’ll find evidence everywhere. Same goes for the opposite. Choose carefully.
Real success is invisible.
A happy home, freedom over your time, investments to fall back on. Not the big house, the flash car, and a mountain of debt.
Never be too proud to say “I was wrong.”
It’s a sign of strength, not weakness.
Everything is your fault.
This one is hard to hear and life changing once you truly accept it. Take responsibility for everything. Its the most empowering lesson of all.
Run a marathon.
It will change your life. I’m not exaggerating.
Masculinity is about service, not dominance.
True masculinity is showing up for the people around you. Not putting people down to feel powerful.
Holding onto anger only burns you.
Carrying anger towards someone else is like holding a hot coal. You’re the one getting hurt.
Like the person in the mirror.
Before every decision, ask yourself: will I still respect this person after I’ve made this choice?
Self-awareness is a superpower.
Analyse yourself honestly and regularly. Get to know who you actually are, not who you tell yourself you are.
Make the 8-year-old you and the 80-year-old you proud.
The kid you were had dreams. The old person you’ll become will have regrets or stories. Make sure they’re the right ones.
Bonus: Listen to people older than you.
Seriously. The people 10, 20, 30 years further down the road than you are carrying something you can’t buy, perspective. And most of them will share it freely if you just ask.
Listen to their regrets especially. Because here’s the thing: we like to think we’re all unique, and in many ways we are. But the regrets? The mistakes? They’re so often the same ones, over and over, generation after generation. The same missed moments. The same things chased that didn’t matter. The same things ignored that did.
You don’t have to make every mistake yourself. Some of them you can just borrow the lesson from someone who already paid for it.
Find those people. Buy them a coffee. Shut up and listen.
41 years. 41 lessons. Still learning.
Here’s to whatever comes next.
